featured image by Alyssa Schmidt

Track Dissection aims to capture the essence of an artist’s song: the effort behind it, the context surrounding it, and the emotions etched within it. In each piece, the artist pulls back the curtain of their work, revealing its intimacies.

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What was the initial idea for this song?

I read Sunburn by Chloe Howarth & was so inspired. The book delves into viewing queer intimacy as something close to God, but teetering on whether that’s closer to sin or salvation. The longing in the novel was impossible not to physically feel to the point where I started writing lyrics as each chapter was read, thinking of my own experience with queerness and that fine line of intimacy between platonic and infatuation. These small lyrics became compiled into my Notes app and are some of my favorite lines from the song featuring but not limited to “You hold the power to destroy me but you don’t, / You’re like a God that only chose me to know,” and “She’s so good and she knows, / From the spit in her mouth to the dirt on her toes.” 

Physical pieces of writing this song and its process? 

It was nearing the end of August in Minneapolis and I had just moved into my girlfriend and I’s first apartment together early July. We have a beautiful communal backyard with flowers & garden beds. I was sitting on the chair writing most of the lyrics, reading pages and writing lyrics. I then went inside to our bedroom and wrote the melody of the chorus first, which is not my usual style of writing. I finished the chorus while the sun was coming through our bedroom window then played it for my girlfriend while she sat on the floor in front of me. She loved it, of course, and so did I, so I finished up the verses and bridge in the next couple of days. 

How was the process of writing the lyrics? Did you have a tune in mind already? What was the main theme of it and did it change during the course of writing?

Writing the lyrics became like a puzzle in my Notes app, figuring out where to put the lines I had written while reading, what needed to be slightly changed to fit the new melodies, and replies to first thoughts. It was so fun to write and came together quite quickly. I did not have a tune until a lot of the lyrics were in puzzle-piece phrases scattered in my Notes app. The theme remained the same throughout, connecting to the central idea of viewing queer intimacy as both sin and salvation, and being so overwhelmingly infatuated with a person that everything they do becomes romantic/sensual. 

Any demos or previous iterations/versions of the song?

The intro took definitely a few tries to nail down. I wanted it to kind of be like a music box chime starting the song to get listeners into the nature of the story telling of the track. The music video I think captures the visuals to audio perfectly in what I was picturing when in production mode. 

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Lyric Annotation

our skin glows where my body’s pressed to yours

feels like a worship that was never too much to ask for

cut me open now I’m sweet to the bone

in your lap and on your lips, blessed with a kiss

my very first homes

I wanted the verses to be very visual and descriptive, play into the intensity of infatuation and first touches, especially within finding queerness. Feeling warmth and intensity within touch, knowing that feeling wasn’t too much to ask for! Feeling like home when discovery your own identity/queerness. 

she’s so good and she knows

from the spit in her mouth to the dirt on her toes

“Like even the spit in her mouth looks good!! What’s happening to me!!” gay panic vibes 

sunbathe me in a garden touch 

I grow more jealous of the sun

warming up your fingertips & goldening brown your stomach, oh

I could die happy knowing I carved our names in every rock

our love exists within the earth

may it forever worship us

Being jealous of the sun’s closeness to someone bc of the yearning for that closeness with them. Being so scared to make a move or say anything that you get lost in the fantasy of closeness to them. 

if loving you’s a sin, then I’m forever cursed

damn me to Hell for living Heaven on Earth

you hold the power to destroy me, but you don’t

you’re like a god that only chose me to know

I wanted the lyrics to also play into religious metaphors using to describe the infatuation and yearning that the song is about. It felt only right to use them to try to describe the intensity that this feeling can bring. Feeling like it’s really a world that you only live in alone together. 

she’s so good & she knows

tease me with your tongue over my clothes

only whispering now in poems and prose

I see the light baby I’m getting close

Once again the spiritual play of intimacy and closeness, I love a little flirty sensual metaphor, cheeky if you will!

showing you our bedroom every night like it’s the first time

writing songs for you, swear every word just starts to rhyme

confess my dirty thoughts to you, can you cleanse my head?

showing your sweet forgiveness, live them out in our bed!

Once again playing into a cheeky playful energy to kind of balance out the religious metaphors and intensity of a crush. I wanted the bridge to build both story/lyrically as well as musically, which you can see visually in the climax of the music video where we finally kiss! 

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Check out the song (and its inspirations) here!